One step closer…

May 29, 2008

I was shaking my head again at the thought of what I was about to do. It seems that lately, I have been doing things that would leave me shaking my head in disbelief.

I was on my way yesterday afternoon for the intake exam at the College of Law, and driving through the Mamplasan exit, I suddenly experienced the urge to turn back and simply head back home.

An internal dialogue was taking place in my mind:

“why are you doing this? you are just torturing yourself.”

“I really want to take up Law..”

“Can you afford it? Do you have the means to do so ?”

“None right now…”

“Be logical, you want to take up law. Law is based on logic. Logic dictates that you turn back because you are just fooling yourself into thinking that this is for you…”

“Yes I agree, this is not logical. But this is where faith comes in…”

I took my baby steps toward accomplishing a lifelong dream. I took the written exam.

10 essay questions and 2 hours later, I was beginning to feel the pressure on my right hand. I was no longer used to writing manually this long. And for the life of me, I could not answer the differences between a republic form of government over the federal form of governance, what is more suitable in the Philippine context etc, even if my life depended on it!

I was interviewed next. “Do you really write this way?” “Yes when I am rushing…” “Rushing? she asked.. this looks neat” Hmmmm… nice one. She then recommended using Parker pens or other ink pens. I remembered my technical pens and how I loved using those many years back. She read my essays and commented on the maturity of my writing and hinted about the possibility of writing for the Legal newsletter that they will be putting up.

We discussed some of my answers and I explained some of the salient points I raised in one of those essay questions. She also needed to know the scope, nature and responsibilities of my work because she needed assurance that I would have the time for the classes and the readings.

Then she asked me “when do you plan to enroll?”…. I answered “this semester”. She smiled because she was asking about the immediate plan instead of a broad life schedule (hehehehe). I remember in times past when I would be asked when I plan to finish my grad studies, the response would be in chunks of semesters….

I was given an assessment form and she was very gracious enough to help me with the fees and possible fee installments. She also showed me the prices of the different law books I would need to purchase sometime soon. I opted for an underloaded schedule for me to get a taste of law school without compromising too much my work schedule and ministry load, aside from the fact that I could not afford  the full load requirements at this time.

I drove home with the printed assessment form stating the amount I would need to shell out just to start my law classes. Legal Profession, English Proficiency, Constitutional Law 1, Persons and Family…. 13 units. I felt tired and depleted as I round my way through my Sta Rosa exit. I was still shaking my head – but for some reason, I could not help smiling as well. I got into law school. I am one step closer. I don’t have the financial means to even pay for the deposit and the succeeding installments, but just the same, the reality that I am now accepted into the College of Law made me smile even though I was feeling the hunger and the fatigue.

Lord God, I am now neatly placed for a miracle. Let this be done according to Your will for me. I surrender this dream before you now. If you would, allow me to see Your strength made perfect in my weakness.

AMEN.

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